Steam游戏趣评(一)

看有趣的测评，主要是看文字，为了版面整洁、方便手机观看、避免出现他人ID我就不上图了，纯手打上传。先上个人喜爱的游戏，然后是热门游戏，最后是其他游戏。

提醒：好评如潮的游戏我会贴出名字，那些褒贬不一或者评价不好的就不贴了，每个人口味不一样，还是自己体验再做判断为好; 每个游戏名称都是Steam链接；有些内容不玩游戏很难体会。个人拙译尽量还原。

个人喜爱

• Alien: Isolation(异形：隔离)

异形原声欣赏：http://music.163.com/#/song?id=1562418

- Throw a noise grenade

- Hit the wall

- Bounce back to me

- Alien are swarming around with their creepy sound

- ALT+F4

- 扔了个噪音手雷（注：吸引或分散敌人注意力用）

- 一不小心扔到墙上

- 它又弹到我身上

- 异形立马察觉到异常，自带吓尿的BGM朝我袭来

- ALT+ F4

I went to a room, saw an alien and learner how to uninstall a game very fast, repeat 5X. I learned how to uninstall steam and destroy my PC,

10/10 very educational!

游戏中我无意闯进一小屋，看到了异形。

然后异形教会了我如何一键卸载游戏，如此反复5次后，我懂得了卸载Steam、毁掉电脑的正确方法。

电脑教学满分！

Sat in a corner for ages, finally moved, saw the Alien and

ALT+ F4.

Will try again when drunk.

躲在角落里怂大半天了，最后终于鼓起勇气走两步，出门就看到异形，瞬间高潮。

立马 ALT + F4.

下次喝醉壮壮胆再玩吧。

Never get caught in this game. Every time the Alien see me, I just ALT + F4.

从来没被逮到过，因为每次被异形发现后，我直接 ALT + F4 , 机智如我。

Well... I have to wear a diaper because I am ??????? myself constantly. This says everything?? I also love the Outlast, Dead Space, etc.

10/10

OK, I have to change my diaper again, bye. -.-

让人家怎么说呢（尴尬ing），我每次玩都得塞一片尿不湿进去，因为人家经常被吓出翔！这总能证明点什么吧？ 我平时也玩逃生，死亡空间等恐怖游戏，异形我给满分。

就这样吧，该换尿不湿了。-.-

Move from under one table to another Simulator.

游戏名称，异形：“桌”迷藏 Or 异形： 拱桌底

I pooped my pants.

我都吓得一滩热翔在内裤。

I WAS suffering from constipation.

"WAS"

10/10 would poop pants again.

我曾饱受便秘之苦。

多亏异形，我下次还会玩

大便通畅的感觉真好。

Had to buy so many new pairs of pants I could've bought five copies of the game.

10/10.

要不是因为钱都砸在买内裤上了，我还能再买5份游戏。满分。

Finished Outlast.

Finished Amnesia.

Finished Slender without blinking.

Scared ????less to the point where I can't finish Alien Isolation.

Brown Pants/10 would never play it in the dark again.

想当年，劳资

速通逃生，

秒过失忆症，

谈笑间通瘦长鬼影，

然而却卡在异形隔离这儿，吓爆翔

我以屎色的内裤发誓，再也不敢关灯装逼了。。

In space, no one can hear you scream.

My neighbours can, however, and have made several noise complaints.

在太空中，没人能听到你的叫喊（异形的经典影评）。

然而我的邻居能听见我的鬼哭狼嚎，就差报警了。

Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Distract. Shit yourself. Repeat. One of the best games I've player so far (and finished) and the best Alien game ever made.

躲，跑路，吓出翔；再躲，继续跑，又一身翔，整个游戏如此往复。这是我目前玩过最棒的异形主题游戏。

• The Talos Principal (塔洛斯原理)

（颠覆你世界观、人生观、价值观的烧脑解谜游戏，类Portal 2）

If you like Portal, you will like this game!

If you study philosophy, you will like this game!

If you study math, you will like this game!

If you study religion, you will like this game!

If you study physics, you will like this game!

....

If you play CoD, you will die. Slowly.

如果你喜欢传送门，你会喜欢这个游戏！

如果你搞哲学，你会喜欢这个游戏！

如果你学数学，你也会喜欢这个游戏！

如果你研究宗教，你依然会喜欢这个游戏！

如果你研究物理，你还是会喜欢这个游戏！

......

如果你是COD狗，你会在这饱受折磨慢慢地死去。

*a terminal in the game asks me to prove that i am a human or not*

*looks at bedroom mirror*

*closes laptop*

*lie down on the floor*

*thinking about my existence*

10/10 would mindf--ked again

一天，游戏里的电脑终端问我：如何证明我到底是不是人？

听完关了电脑，

对着镜子看了一会儿，

又躺在地板上，

思考我是否存在的终极问题。

满分。

A computer terminal in the game asked me why I wanted so much to prove I'm human. I spent like 10 minutes thinking, unable to answer.

Thought this was just puzzles, ended up on one of the most philosophical rides a game has ever taken me. 10/10

一天，游戏里的电脑终端又问我：为啥非要证明自己是人？我花了10分钟思考，无果。

尽管我知道这只是谜题的一部分，却成了我这辈子遇到的最具哲学的谜题。满分。

This game makes you question everything. I'm not even sure if I'm a person anymore. 10/10

这游戏让你怀疑一切，我已无法确定自己还特么是不是人了。满分。

In the beginning were the words

and the words made the world.

I am the words.

The words are everything.

Where the words end the world ends.

You can not forward in an absence of space.

起初，只有文字，文字创造了世界。

我即是文字。

文字是天地万物，

文字消失之处便是世界灭亡之时。

在一片虚无中，你寸步难行。

In the beginning were the words

and the words made this review.

I am the words.

The words are everything.

Where the words end this review ends.

You will purchase this game or your death is assured.

Repeat.

起初，只有文字，文字组成了这篇测评。

我即是测评者。

文字是天地万物，

文字消失之处便是测评结束之时。

你即将购买这款游戏，不然你的生命将随文字而消失。

谨记。

holy ???? they hired the devs of serious sam to make portal 3

天了噜他们居然请英雄萨姆的开发者制作了传送门3。

3/10 I have yet to find one ???????ed cat in this ????ing game. The picture promised a ????ing cat, and there ain't no ????? anywhere.

我特么到现在也没逮到一只喵星人，说好的猫咪呢？连根毛也没找到。

54 68 69 73 20 61 20 33 44 20 70 75 7a 7a 6c 65 20 67 61 6d 65 20 74 68 65 20 73 61 6d 65 20 77 61 79 20 74 68 61 74 20 50 6f 72 74 61 6c 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 70 75 7a 7a 6c 65 20 0a 0a 67 61 6d 65 2c 20 62 75 74 20 6d 6f 72 65 20 6c 61 73 65 72 73 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 73 73 20 6a 75 6d 70 69 6e 67 2e 20 53 77 65 65 74 20 21 0a 0a 49 20 6d 69 67 68 74 20 6c 65 61 72 6e 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 70 68 69 6c 6f 73 6f 70 68 79 20 68 65 72 65 2e 2e 2e 2e 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 61 6b 65 20 62 65 74 74 65 72 20 63 68 6f 69 63 65 73 20 0a 0a 66 6f 72 20 42 72 65 61 6b 66 61 73 74 20 66 6f 6f 64 2e 2e 2e 2e 0a 0a 4c 61 73 65 72 73 2c 20 6d 69 6e 65 73 2c 20 6b 65 79 73 2c 20 74 75 72 72 65 74 73 2c 20 63 6f 6d 70 75 74 65 72 73 2c 20 70 68 69 6c 6f 73 6f 70 68 79 2c 20 44 65 75 73 20 45 78 20 0a 0a 4d 61 63 68 69 6e 61 2e 20 47 6f 6f 64 20 54 69 6d 65 73 20 21

这个其实是Hex码要转换成ASCII，Hex to ASCII text converter，在此粘贴以上代码得到以下文字（内容平淡，但这个逼给9分）：

This a 3D puzzle game the same way that Portal was a puzzlegame, but more lasers and less jumping. Sweet !

I might learn some philosophy here.... and make better choices

for Breakfast food....

Lasers, mines, keys, turrets, computers, philosophy, Deus Ex

Machina. Good Times !

Enjoyment = True ; Dissapointment = False

乐趣 = 是 ； 失望 = 否 ；

The cat was not a lie. 10/10

原来喵星人真的存在哦。满分。

第二弹稍后。

本人在知乎的相关回答：https://www.zhihu.com/question/38763019/answer/78333737

个人拙译，请勿私自转载。